Fri, 09 Sep 2005 05:01:13 GMT

NEW JOURNAL.
funsteps

I'M STARTING CLEAN. i don't know what i'm going to write, but it is going to be different, i am starting to change. everybody please add me if you wish to stay in contact with me and understand me and read my writing and learn about my life, my feelings, etc.

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 01:52:05 GMT

i saw a boy have a seizur yesterday, and it really put me in my place. i am so fucking lucky to be in the good shape, and place that i am in. i don't have any allergies or diseases, or mental illnesses. i have pretty straight teeth, and i have never even had braces. i get some acne, yes, but overall i'm not a pizza face and kind of have a good complexion. i complain about highschool drama, and when clothes don't fit, or when i'm on my period.
god, imagine if i had to endure a seizure every single day of my ENTIRE life. shaking and shivering, spitting up things, and just drooling. just drooling and shaking while everybody around me just stares. my mom holding me, trying to help my body calm down, my siblings calmly waiting, but remaining frantic on the inside -thinking what if this is the end? what if it's over after this last outbreak?
how am i supposed to complain about house issues, when there are people who have never lead a normal life, people with down syndrom and those who are autistic. i feel like i shouldn't complain anymore!! nobody cares that i am sore from yoga like positions from the day before, or that i wore crappy 3 dollar shoes and paid the price with painful blisters. NOBODY REALLY CARES that i grew out of my favorite pair of pants! i'm not saying i live in a world where nobody cares, i am just saying, my problems are not in the least bit close to how big the problems of others around me are. and what about the people who died in the tsunnami? and the people who died in new orleans, or were raped and murdered under those harsh circumstances? i have no place in this world. when i suffer, only the people around me will know it. when i die, ONLY the people around me will know. why don't i live my life to the fullest then? and stop dwelling on the little problems that seem to so corrupt my life, when really i don't know corruption until i shiver and shake every day of my life, and have to get fed my own food by a relative or close friend?
slowly i am drifting and sinking away into my own problems, and i think it is time to just understand the world around me, and appreciate the things i do have. the things i am not overcome with are so great, that i could never fully understand what it is like to not have the least amount of problems.

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 03:42:23 GMT

i am the sickest fool you ever met.

rebecca reiner.